Don't See Anything Scary- But Moving Forward

Tuesday, December 3rd was my appointment with the surgeon.  I have my big notebook with my envelope and images (yes the ones I had to wait for at the Naval Hospital that I almost didn't get).  I am furiously writing questions. Lumpectomy? Mastectomy?  Chemo? Radiation? Hormone therapy? When do I have to start? How long do I go?  Will I lose my hair? Will I need to take lots of time off work?  Everyone in the waiting area seems very disturbed by my notebook. My notebook is my security blanket. It has my history. It has my notes. It hold my questions and the only very few answers I have yet.

I am led back to a room and given a short "gown"- basically just like a little small thing that goes across my top- like a shawl that covers my boobs.  It's fine.  The nurse takes my history and gets my imaging disk.  I wait for a few moments and the doctor comes in.  She's very quiet and serene.  She's the surgeon, so it makes sense she is calm.  She asks me about the teratoma that was removed my ovary. Was it benign?  Anything else ever come of it?  I told her I was just told it was removed and that it had teeth and hair- it was just cells. No-one ever told me it could have been anything serious so I guess it wasn't.  I haven't had any complaints since then.  I told her I have no known medical history on my mother's side.   I start asking her questions about my "cancer" and how we are going to treat it.  She tells me "let's not put the cart before the horse. We haven't even determined yet if we must biopsy. I need to talk to you about your history and other things first."  I tell her "Why? I would rather just have the answers. My PCM already told me I definitely have cancer and it's just a matter of how we treat it."  She seems quite taken aback by that.   She asks why I think he told me that.   I told her because he said the appearance of the calcifications was sudden and quick to form.  She asks when last mammogram was. I tell her late 2016.  She said "SO three years ago there was nothing and now after three years there is some calcification. That's not necessarily sudden. We don't know how long it has been developing. It's possible that this much has developed over three years from age and weight and lifestyle. Unless you had complained about pain or you had a recent mammogram within the last six months to a year and nothing was there and now there is, we don't know."  She seems displeased with their use of "sudden and rapid" development.

She tells me that she didn't really see anything scary, no masses or lumps or bumps. She does a breast exam and doesn't really feel anything that concerns her.  She explains that we can just get calcifications which is what artery blockages in heart disease and PAD are made from, or maybe the calcifications are "just there."   She explains it may be nothing or it could be a sign of pre-cancerous material. 

She decides that based on the unknowns of my maternal history, it is best to move forward with biopsy.  It is scheduled for December 10. Follow up for results scheduled December 16. I am waiting.  I have a little anxiety but feel far more peaceful now that I know it could just be something that happens.