Leaving a Legacy?

After losing a friend, one who was much closer to others than he was to me, I still remember his laugh. His smile. His stories. His conversations when he was a little too loud talking to my neighbors.  Walls can be pretty thin in a tract building community where the houses are spitting distance apart.  Our friend was always a good host too when the gatherings migrated across the street to where he lived. 

In late 2022 I had occasion to meet a couple that would change my outlook on what I leave behind and how I interact with those upon this earth while I live.  The couple had a good estate plan, doing what most people do- naming their spouse as Power of Attorney and executor of the estate.  While most people will name a child or a sibling as the successor executor or power of attorney, this couple had no children and their siblings and family members lived "away" and none of them seemed particularly "close" to the couple.  For whatever reason, each named their attorney as successor power of attorney and executor.  As the attorney was older than both of the couple, I don't think he anticipated that he would be called upon. Unfortunately, the world deals with us in its own way.  The man became terminally ill. The woman did too, essentially, as dementia took over her life. 

One of the man's siblings came down after being notified that he was not doing well.   She went through his belongings and found the power of attorney and contacted the attorney.  The attorney contacted someone else to help plan for care for both of them and to coordinate other matters.  Unfortunately, the man passed away only a few days later.  Plans continued for the wife's care, until she succumbed to her illness only days later.  The sibling had already gone home. I can't say the sibling wasn't sad, but it all seemed very transactional. 

The attorney set about trying to plan for the burial of the man first and set up a time for the wife to come say goodbye. I am not certain she even made it for the final good-bye.  After the remains for both were dealt with, no-one seemed interested in having them brought "home" to be buried in a place closer to family. Both parties were cremated and no-one asked for any of the remains or made any plan to come here to spread ashes.  No service was conducted. No death notice was published. No obituary was published.  They were just gone.  No record of their existence or their demise even existed, save their death certificates.  No-one was able to mourn their loss. Did anyone even want to mourn the loss? Did anyone even care?  A few months later, the family contacted us to ask where their remains had been buried so that a family member could stop by the location on their way to somewhere else to pay respects.  There was NOTHING but a grave marker with a number.  There isn't even an inscription with their name. Just a little marker on the lot/plot. 

As a couple who lives "away" from family and doesn't have children, what are the odds that my demise will be the same?  No-one will know or care?  I mean, I guess it won't matter. I will be dead and won't know.  It is sad to realize that someone has lived a life and no-one seems to care that they are gone.  I didn't know them, but now every time I am in the vicinity of their burial plot, I stop by just to remember that they existed. 

There is reason for anyone to be interested when I pass either and I guess I remain sad that maybe no-one will even know I am gone.  Maybe my family will just drive by the cemetery as they drive down the interstate on their way to somewhere else and look over and maybe they too will say "She's buried somewhere over there."  I can only hope that someone will come and wipe away the weeds and every once in awhile look down and be reminded that I did once exist.